Another resolution!

Last night, as I was drifting off to sleep, I thought of another resolution to add to the list. It’s one that’s so simple and obvious that I almost always miss it, and I can’t be alone in this.

11. Whenever someone compliments me or says something nice about me, thank them instead of putting myself down. I can’t count the number of times someone’s thanked me for doing something or complimented me for something I was wearing (sweaters, jewelry, shoes, etc.), and my response is to brush it off or put myself down. “Oh, it was nothing,” “You’re too kind,” and “No, I’m not really that smart/clever/pretty” are my most used comebacks, and my favourite saying when I’ve made an error is “It’s a good thing I’m pretty because I sure ain’t smart!”

It’s a terrible reflex, and most of the time I don’t even think about what I’m saying when I’m in the middle of saying it. Why do I feel the need to put myself down? Do I not think I’m worthy of the praise or the compliment, even if I really am? For a long time, I had really crappy self-esteem, and it’s only been in the past few years that I seem to have outgrown it, except for times when I hear me putting me down. I’m sure there’s some deeper psychological meaning behind this, but it has to stop if I truly want to start believing people when they say nice things to and about me.

The other day, I was showing someone the mittens I made for myself over the holidays. They’re long, colourful and have an interesting cable in them. The pattern they are from is originally for hand warmers with a thumb you add afterward; I turned them into mittens with a gusset thumb [1]. The women I was showing ooh’d and ahh’d over them, and then said, “You’re so clever!” and I immediately responded “Not really.” And then I thought about it.

a) Not everyone can knit.
b) Not everyone can knit from a pattern.
c) Not everyone can knit cables from a pattern.
d) Not everyone can knit cables from a pattern and make modifications to said pattern on the fly without needing to write everything down.

So yeah, I guess I am pretty clever. When she told someone else about the mittens and told them how clever I was, and the other person also complimented me, instead of saying something to minimize my accomplishment, I said “Thanks! It’s very kind of you to say that!” Yesterday someone complimented the sweater and necklace I was wearing – both are hot pink and not something I thought would suit me but it turns out I look good in. Instead of brushing off the compliment, I responded, “Thanks! It is a great colour on me, isn’t it?”

So this year, I am going to try to be more gracious, especially towards myself.

[1] I tried to find a definition or a picture, but couldn’t find a good one; basically, as you knit the mitten, you make a gradually increasing pocket for where your thumb will go.