Terrified

The following is how to have a truly creepy, terrifying dream.

It’s a cool evening – some might even call it cold. Close the windows almost all the way but leave them open a little so you can still get some fresh air. But don’t have enough blankets on the bed so you’re still chilly. Huddle up with the cat under the covers and eventually drop off to sleep.

Wake up in the middle of the night and hear a rustling noise. Figure that it must be windy outside and it’s just the sound of the leaves in the trees.

A few minutes later, hear a thud-THUD sound. Figure that it must be the cat jumping off the table or the counter (and make a note to scold him about it later), but realize the cat is still next to you so that can’t be it. Ponder this development for a few moments.

Before you’ve come to any firm conclusion (or at least one firm enough to help you get back to sleep), hear the sound of footsteps and realize that someone is in the house. Freak out a little, but quietly. Try to figure out where the phone is and if you can reach it from your current position. Remember that if you pick up the extension upstairs, the light on the phone upstairs goes on so whoever is down there will know that someone is awake upstairs and it could end very badly. Hope that they leave soon (and spare a rather random regret that you haven’t backed up your laptop lately because surely they’re going to take that, but silently smirk because the laptop is almost 5 years old and making bad noises, so they’re getting a lemon.)

Suddenly, the hall light comes on, and you hear footsteps on the stairs. Start panicking in earnest, and start tossing and turning. Maybe whoever it is doesn’t realize there’s anyone home, so make enough noise to make it sound like there really is someone home but they’re not awake yet.

Realize it’s not working because the intruder is at the top of the stairs and is now coming down the hall. And now they are outside your room.

Consider your options. First on the list: is this a dream? If so, can you wake yourself up? Try that.

Wake up, laying in the same position you were when you fell asleep, which is the same position you were laying in the dream. Have an attack of the willies and realize you’re not getting back to sleep tonight.